I am as flexible as a garden hose in July...

Flexibility is a requirement in my life right now. Byron's sister said the words in my title to me one time and I thought it was so funny! I am learning to be more flexible.

Some of you might be wondering how things are going with Levi, our student from Rosebud Indian Reservation. He has lived with us for exactly three months now. These months have been some of the most intense I have had. Some days are great, some days are stressful, some days are stable.

Levi is respectful, cooperative, and helpful. He has made attending school a priority and is working hard on homework. He is interested in life and asks questions all the time. There are so many things here (everywhere!) that he never experienced on the reservation. We have enjoyed having him with us and consider him part of our family.

He has had a few rough events in these three months. We have tried our best to work through them with him, helping him learn that he can trust us to look out for his well-being. We have shown him that we (and others) truly care about helping him make a better life here. We are excited to help him with plans for his future. It has been easy to come along-side him, since he is working so hard to do what it takes to succeed. It hasn't been easy for him, but he is making lots of good choices.

When we agreed to have Levi join our family, I could not have predicted some of the experiences we would encounter. I was prepared for things to be hard. For a while, just after making the final decision to have Levi live with us, I even had a day of panic. The unknown of what was coming filled me with fear. I believed the lies Satan fed me that said I needed to be completely available to parent my own four children, and no others. I believed the lie that said my children needed me too much for me to take on anything new, since three of the four were beginning public school and college for the first time. I was afraid to take a risk! We had arranged our lives to be predictable and safe. I knew that whatever came my way on a daily basis was likely something I could handle without problem.

Fortunately, God spoke truth to me and calmed my fears. He showed me all of the many people who have invested in my children over the years--friends, family members, teachers, coaches, church leaders. I realized that they would be just fine in their new educational experiences. He showed me how much my KIDS had to offer someone coming into our family. It wasn't just going to be my husband and I investing our time, energy and resources, they would be "givers" too. I realized how wonderful it would be for our family to do something for someone with no expectation of receiving anything back in return. God showed me that He would direct my paths.

I am learning not to plan for what the future days are going to look like. God is teaching me to take each day as He gives, and He is also providing what I need to get through what that day brings. I once said that hosting a teenager from Rosebud would keep me in God's word and on my knees. I didn't know the truth of my words at the time I spoke them. Thanks to God for providing for our every-single-day needs. I will try to let Him direct where we're going and I'm just going to keep working on being as flexible as a garden hose in July!

Sports Rules for Parents

In light of the fact that all the spring sports have started, I thought I would print this excerpt from "The Sport Parent's Manual" by Tom Doyle.

Things parents do that their kids really appreciate:

• Taking time out of your busy schedules to come to games and support what we do.
• Bringing snacks after a game.
• Supporting the whole team, not just me.
• Cheering the team even when losing badly.
• Telling us we did a good job.
• Being proud of us even when we didn't win.
• Being quiet unless cheering with everyone else.
• Never yelling at a coach or ref.
• Making friends with the other parents.
• Telling a "negative" parent to be quiet.

Things parents do that embarrass their kids:

• Trying to teach me how to do something "correctly" after a game.
• Coaching during games even though you aren't the coach.
• Telling me what I was doing wrong after every game.
• Being asked to leave a field by an official.
• Going crazy at the refs--because it's not your job. It is the coach's job to question bad calls.
• Taunting other players, opponents, refs.
• Yelling things at coaches and getting involved with something that was between coach and me. It was none of your business.
• Coming to a game drunk or after drinking.
• Acting disappointed with what I am doing instead of reassuring me I will do better next time.
• Getting a technical foul against our team.
• Don't tell me I'm really cute in my uniform.

one of my favorites--Meggan's first year of t-ball
May 2006

A "Western" Response to the Superior Chinese Mother

Yesterday, I linked a Wall Street Journal article by Amy Chua on Chinese mothers. It was an excerpt from her new book "Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother." Ms. Chua said her children were never allowed to attend a sleepover, have a play date with a friend, play any instrument other than piano or violin, get anything less than a straight A. Apparently the article generated 5700 comments--it stirred quite a lot of emotion among parents.

Today, the Wall Street Journal printed a response by Ayalet Waldman, a Jewish mother of four who lives in California. She wrote about the virtues of letting kids quit, have sleepovers, and the value of letting them find their own way. You can read it by clicking here: In Defense of the Guilty, Ambivalent, Preoccupied Western Mom
Amy Chua, i.e. Tiger Mother, also responded to a few of the questions prompted by her article, which was very interesting. She sounded much less extreme in her responses than in the original article.

After reading both articles and the responses by Amy Chua in today's paper, it seems that an extreme presentation of Chinese parenting got a lot of attention--exactly what the WSJ was going for. I bet it helps sales of her new book as well. Regardless, both authors seem genuinely interested in being involved and loving parents. These articles have made for some fun conversations in our house--hope you have a chance to enjoy them as well.

Interesting perspective on parenting...

My husband emailed this article to me this week. He said we need to change our parenting ways so we can be more like Chinese mothers. Then he said he thought this approach was way over the top. Then he said he had no idea how we should parent. Then I agreed with him. Then we decided we better get some help for our four children.  Just kidding, but read this article. It will make you think about your parenting.

From the Wall Street Journal, click here to read: Why Chinese Mothers are Superior